Carrying On

We are all carrying on after losing Dad in January.  It has been hard both emotionally and physically.  Barbara and I had no idea how hard we had pushed ourselves being with Dad and helping Mom.  We appreciate all the help and support from family and friends.  We could not have done it without you.

Mom is doing amazingly well and is setting a good example for all of us to follow.  She is active and joins in many of the activities at Covenant Place.  She even plays Bingo two nights a week. She has enjoyed the visits by so many of you who have stopped by to say hello, gone shopping with her, and have taken her out to eat.

Dad worked hard to prepare his affairs so that Mom would not have to deal with things and yet much remains to be done after someone passes.  There is Social Security, Insurance, etc. that must be administered.  I have learned a lot and would suggest at least a few simple things people should do:

1. If you have a safe deposit box at the bank inventory all of the items in it and give a copy of the list to those who might be dealing with things after you pass.
2. If you have life insurance policies call and validate the latest information on them.  Dad had one that he got while working with South Carolina National.  SCN was bought by Wachovia which then was bought by Wells Fargo.  It was tough finding the contact point for that one.
3. Have your funeral arrangements completed or at least make sure others know your intentions.  Dad had told us many times that he did not want a viewing and only wanted a graveside service. 
4. Have a living will.  Dad did not have one but we knew from discussions that he did not want any heroics if he was in the hospital.  I had to make sure it was entered into his charts at the hospital.  Prior to that we had to reject the insertion of a feeding tube.  Dad was lucid enough to also voice his rejection of that option.
5. Have a will and make sure it is up-to-date
6. Think about where you would like to live when you become unable to take care of things on your own and move there while you are still able to enjoy being free of the burdens of maintaining your own place. Do not wait until it is an emergency.  Visit places while you are active.  Eat there.  Look at people's faces.  Do they smile?  Does it smell bad?  This is probably one of the most important things you can do.  Don't wait until it is an emergency.
   

There are many other details that one should take care of in advance to ease the chore for one's survivors.  Dad worked hard at this and it made it much easier for us.  That is not to say it was easy because even with careful preparation there is much to do at a time when you will be grieving.  Know in advance that it could take up to a yer for everything to work itself through the system even under the best of circumstances.  An example is the will.  It must be probated in the county of residence.  Here is a good reference explaining probate.  A quote from that site emphasizes the importance of a will:

If a person dies without a Will ("intestate"), the probate court appoints a person to receive all claims against the estate, pay creditors and then distribute all remaining property in accordance with the laws of the state. The major difference between dying testate and dying intestate is that an intestate estate is distributed to beneficiaries in accordance with the distribution plan established by state law; a testate estate (after payment of debts, taxes and costs of administration) is distributed in accordance with the instructions provided by the decedent in his/her Will.

The cost of probate is either set by state law or by practice and custom in your community. The typical cost to probate an estate is in the range of 3% to 7% of the total estate value.

But, if you have a will it eases the process considerably.  As the "Probate - what is it?" site states on that subject:

If a person dies with a Will ("testate"), the probate court determines if the Will is valid, hears any objections to the Will, orders that creditors be paid and supervises the process to assure that property remaining is distributed in accordance with the terms and conditions of the Will. 

We all are traveling down the same road but we all deny that we will ever die.  I think that is why we put off dealing with all of these things while we are living and yet the greatest give we can give those who follow us besides being a good person like Dad was is to deal with them.